The Hot Buttons of Negativity

First thing, "What are hot buttons?" Hot buttons are those that, when people push them, you turn red and out comes the anger, resentment, insecurity, and other negative emotions you wish weren't a part of your life.

Remember the last time your boss made a comment about the project you completed? For some reason, his assessment just sent you through the roof. What about when your partner told you that you are gaining weight? Did you get upset and begin feeling insecure about your relationship? What if your manager or teacher doesn't spend much time talking with you? Do you feel less valued or respected?

Some people avoid these hot buttons being pushed by simply avoiding people. Unfortunately, avoiding people can often mean "avoiding" the opportunities that can potentially change our lives for the better.

If you wish to reach your dream - be successful, enjoy your life and make a positive impact on others, you must be willing to confront the fact that you have certain hot buttons or set-off points. Face them and deal with them!

Imagine walking into every situation and circumstance lacking a single hot button that could be pushed.

No matter how your opponents try to make you go crazy or drag you down, you remain untouched. Imagine a jealous co-worker commenting to your boss, highlighting your weaknesses immediately before you present an important proposal. Though you heard your co-worker's words, you let them fall away right in front of your eyes. You remain calm and confident. The comment had no power to activate a negative reaction in you. Instead, you go forward, delivering a wonderful, well-prepared presentation. And, toss a loving smile back at your co-worker.

Ridding yourself of hot buttons is a life-long process. Everyone would like to get to the place of having few buttons (Note, I said, "few buttons, not no-buttons."). Getting there is possible, but requires faith, hope, persistence and patience.

Removing Hot Buttons:  Reaction to a hot button, attention and memory, getting rid of the past, forgiveness for others and oneself, and giving love.

One of my mentors is a man with very few buttons. When I asked him how he reached this place, he told me that he had consciously devoted efforts into working on getting rid of the past. This allowed him to move slowly into not allowing the past to have a hold on him. He then progressed to forgiving people, asking God for forgiveness and forgiving himself as well. Once he forgives and accepts forgiveness, he blesses.

After releasing forgiveness, any voice that comes to remind him of people who wronged him or mistakes that he has made, he simply ignores the voice, starts blessing the people and blessing himself. (I think he is so wise in releasing blessings to himself. So often, we get so busy in blessing others and we forget this important step for ourselves.)

Hot buttons are usually created by unresolved matters.

There are 3 main types of unresolved matters - old ones, new ones and recurring ones.

Old Unresolved Matters - Trauma from childhood. Bad things you did in the past. Bad things that happened to you in the past.

New Unresolved Matters - Recent happenings that you left without having a positive closure. For example: You left your loved one without communicating why you did what you did. You let go of an employee without telling the truth why you let him go. Other recent bad things you did and recent bad things other people did to you.

Recurring Unresolved Matters - Patterns of similar bad happenings created by you or done to you.

All the things mentioned above must be faced, otherwise they will never be resolved. Matters will continue to pile up. In order to control the situation, you will start lying, manipulating, playing the victim, getting angry over little things, avoiding facing certain situations, and begin having addictions to escape from having good relationships with people.

Have you ever seen a runner trying to win the race with a 50 pounds iron chain wrapped around his body? You are made to be a champion and a winner. If you feel a heavy weight, check to see if you have iron chains on you. They are not fitting for you. Break them off and leave them in the past.

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A Challenge For You:

Give yourself a personal one or two day retreat - some place where you can relax and reflect. Taking a walk in nature works great for me. For you, it may be fishing or doing something else. You know what makes you feel relaxed and puts you in your best state of being to reflect.

Make a quick list of your old unresolved matters, new unresolved matters and the recurring unresolved matters. Don't think too hard. Just write down what come to you.

As you deal with each layer of unresolved matters, the next layer will surface as time passes. So, don't worry too much about whether or not you have covered everything. You won't. Just be open to receiving them as they come to your mind and heart. Jot them down. Then, forgive the people who have wronged you. Forgive yourself for doing wrong to others. Do this for the old and new unresolved matters. For the recurring unresolved matters, be open and face what you perceive.

As you forgive people, if you feel that you need to make a phone call or write a letter to bring closure, mend the broken relationships or make things right, then do make that contact. This is the most important step. Do not skip it. You can have a long list of self-discovery, but until you start taking actions to resolve things, you are still the old YOU with a long list of self-discovery. Change requires risk. Take it and grow from it. The lightness you will feel is indescribable and well worth it.

For me, since I believe in God, I ask God to help me to forgive others and allow Him to forgive me and I forgive myself. Whenever I sense bitterness rising up from thinking or facing people that I have forgiven, I bless them. When I do that, with most people, I can honestly say that when I face them, I have totally forgotten what they have done to me. With a few people, blessing them doesn't help me to forget what they have done to me right away. But, I continue to forgive and bless them. And over the years, I have seen changes in my relationship with such people in my life.

Perhaps you would call me a hopeless optimist. But, when you believe in the good things and good principles, things do go well for you. If you are a hopeless optimist like me, people may think that you have not gone through enough "hardship" in life. But you may be 16 years-old or 85 years-old, so only you know what you have gone through.

Many times, circumstances don't change, but because your perspective changes, experiences also changes. Take an honest look at yourself to evaluate if unresolved matters have turned into hot buttons for you.

Helen Chen is a Business and Life Coach. She specializes in partnering with remarkable individuals in business to get out of their own way and take themselves to the next fascinating new level of effectiveness and profitability. To receive her FREE ezine with proven tips and exercises to take yourself and your business to a SUREFIRE new level of success, go to www.HYCCoaching.com.

News about Forgiveness

CBC.ca

Forgiveness as strategy – Taking notes from Barack and Malcolm Florida Courier, florida - Nov 20, 2008 Why the forgiveness? Is it Rodney Kingstyle, a feeling that we can all get along? Maybe. But I think it’s more strategic than that. ... Video: Hillary Will Get SOS Nom Soon CBS LITTWIN: Palling around with pragmatists Rocky Mountain News all 5,236 news articles

Child molester apologizes and asks for forgiveness OCRegister, CA - 6 hours ago ... who was known as "Uncle Bob" to the children in his Aliso Viejo neighborhood, added, "I hope that some day you can all find forgiveness. ...

San Francisco Chronicle

Paltrow Begs Forgiveness Over Fur Faux Pas San Francisco Chronicle,  USA - Nov 20, 2008 AP Photo/Evan Agostini Gwyneth Paltrow is trying to get back in animal rights activists' good books, by apologizing to the People for the Ethical Treatment ...

Priest recalls Christ's death in urging forgiveness after break-in Leelanau Enterprise, MI - 12 hours ago “Jesus died between the good thief and the bad thief. The call from Calvalry was ‘Father, forgive them.’ That’s what we must do,” the priest said.

Add forgiveness to holiday checklist this season BCM News, TX - Nov 19, 2008 HOUSTON -- (November 18, 2008) -- To forgive and forget is not easy, but an expert at Baylor College of Medicine in Houston offers tips that can ease the ...

State: HRC's ticket to debt forgiveness? MLive.com, MI - Nov 18, 2008 And that could give her a powerful case to make to the Federal Election Commission about why it should forgive her campaign debt through a settlement ...

Banking boss begs for forgiveness Metro, UK - 20 hours ago by JO STEELE - Friday, November 21, 2008 The Royal Bank of Scotland's chairman begged forgiveness from shareholders yesterday for its collapse, ...

Families on the road to forgiveness The Australian, Australia - Nov 20, 2008 Time, forgiveness, taking responsibility? At the heart of this inquiry is the tension between the living and the dead: the irreconcilable conflict between ...

Wasilla man gets 30 years for baby-shaking death KTUU, AK - 1 hour ago It's just impossible right now for me to think of the word forgiveness," Kaydence's grandfather Bruce Lewinski said. Naczi's mother says her son was on a ... Felon sentenced for possessing firearm KTUU all 2 news articles

Biggest Loser Recap: Amy Teeters, Begs Vicky for Forgiveness People Magazine - Nov 19, 2008 Near the end of the episode, Amy crawls to Vicky and asks forgiveness for what she did; we’re not sure why. Vicky barely accepts the apology, admitting she ...